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BYU Studies

BYU Studies

Keywords

parental influence, perfectionism, adolescent perfectionism

Abstract

I (primary author) will never forget a poignant moment in the mother’s lounge at church when our first child was about nine months old. Two other mothers with younger babies were in the lounge at the same time, and we talked as our babies nursed, then played. As I watched the two younger children crawl around, I became acutely aware that our daughter, who had not yet started to crawl, was clearly behind these other children. A panicky feeling overtook me as I wrestled with what it meant to me that these children appeared to be ahead of mine. I felt embarrassed about my unsettled feelings, sensing that even worse than the panic were my own potential feelings of disappointment in my child. All at once I felt confronted with the uncomfortable reality that as young as she was, my own identity and feelings about myself were wrapped up in her successful developmental attainments. I had quickly turned her into evidence of my goodness and capacity, instead of valuing her unique development.

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