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BYU Studies Quarterly

BYU Studies Quarterly

Authors

Shamae Budd

Keywords

perfectionism, religious beliefs, self worth, mother-son relationships

Abstract

My four-year- old son is not a quiet child. He is the kind of child that people call “spirited,” “high energy,” or “all boy.”

My four-year- old son is not a quiet child. He is the kind of child that people call “spirited,” “high energy,” or “all boy.” His enthusiasm for the beautiful, rare cosmic bliss of living seems limitless. His zeal exists in all directions, at all times of day, and in all seasons and sizes and shapes and colors. It is technicolor joie de vivre. As an illustration, he recently spent the morning stomping from room to room in cowboy boots, a tutu, and a yellow construction hat while he held a tambourine and a rainbow sparkle wand, chanting, “CHAOS! CHAOS! CHAOS!” at the top of his lungs. After several minutes, he paused, looked in my direction, and asked with earnest curiosity, “Mom, what’s chaos?”

I should have known then not to expect him to be quiet.

This essay by Shamae Budd received second place in the 2024 BYU Studies personal essay contest.

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